Heat pumps: they're coming for your BOILER

It is already at the gate

It arrives in a van. It is white. It is, sources close to the jawline tell me, very energy efficient, which is exactly what you'd say if you were hiding something.

The government wants 450,000 heat pumps a year by 2030. That is 450,000 white boxes, at 450,000 garden gates, humming.

They know when you're home

Our sister outlets have already warned that heat pumps could be used to SPY on you. A connected heat pump knows when your house is warm, which means it knows when you are in it, which means it knows you had the heating on at 3pm on a Tuesday. It will tell no one. That's what worries me.

Then there is the consultation that would let suppliers turn heat pumps down at peak times, for households who opt in for a cheaper tariff. Opt in. They want you to choose. That's how they get you.

"I asked the boiler how it felt. It didn't say anything. It didn't have to." — Victoria Cheekbone-Smythe

Downing Street responds

Prime Minister Dave Beige was asked whether a heat pump would be fitted at Number 10. He said he was "not going to rule it in or out" and went back inside, where it was, by every account, a pleasant temperature.

Telling.

That's the angle.