Storm Beatriz crossing the Atlantic UNCHECKED, warns Storm Mandible

Cloudy, with a chance of grievance

Good evening. Storm Beatriz is crossing the Atlantic tonight and nobody is stopping it.

It formed off the Azores. It has no paperwork. It wasn't even named here.

"I've been asking for years: why does weather get to come from the west? Who signed off on the west?" — Storm Mandible

The map they don't want you to see

BB News's own weather map shows every arrow pointing at Kent. Colleagues point out that Beatriz is heading for Cornwall. Storm calls this "exactly what they'd want you to think".

Viewers will remember this channel's sister outlets once fumed that a rival broadcaster's map showed 13C in orange. The Met Office says its colour scale has not moved: the same colour means the same temperature, anywhere, any time. Storm calls this "a very convenient colour scale".

Tonight's forecast

• The South West: foreign rain, arriving in waves.
• The Midlands: drizzle that "clearly isn't from round here".
• Kent: the arrows.
• Scotland: Storm declined to comment, as Scotland "has its own weather".

Storm's quiff, which has not moved since 2019, was unavailable for comment.

Back to you, Rex.