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Brock Granite: a silver buzz cut, a weathered tan and a face like a quarry wall, open-collar shirt under a navy jacket
Illustration. Brock Granite is a fictional character.
Opinion columnist

Brock Granite

He'll say what they won't.

Show
Granite Talk
On air
Daily 21:00–23:00
Signs off
"Goodnight, and keep your chin up. Someone has to."

Brock Granite "served, but won't say where". He speaks for what he calls the silent majority of strong-jawed Britons, at length, every night.

He is against gradients, oat milk, the metric system, heat pumps, the weather map and, since this week, parakeets. Every column starts calm and ends shouting; he bangs the desk on the third point, always the third.

He leads the studio in the channel's war chant, "They took our jaws!", although he has never said who took which jaw, or when.

Catchphrases

  • "I'll say what they won't."
  • "In my day, a face was a face."
  • "They took our jaws!"

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